A fury so deep

Your words crushed my heart,
And cut me like a knife to the core.
You enjoyed seeing me fall apart,
My pain you simply ignored.

A constant reminder of your hate,
That I don’t know what I did to deserve.
You hated much more than my weight.
I was a disappointment to the city you served.

Your anger was silent, but loud and clear.
While putting on a show for everyone to see.
All you cared about is how we appeared.
Looking like a perfect father was the key.

Anger consumes me but I conceal it,
I feel if I express it, it would be a sin.
You ensured that I would always submit,
No matter how hard I fought, you would always win.

You taught me fear and to hate myself,
But the real one that I hate is you.
The only one you cared about is yourself.
You made me afraid of revealing what’s true.

I learned to question my worth,
All you could do was criticize.
I am afraid to rise up and take back my life,
Because I see myself through your eyes.

I am filled with hate towards you,
That God says is wrong.
But I can’t deny what is true,
To you, the guilt within me belongs.

God says we are to honor our mother and father,
Even though the world admired you,
To love me like God asks, you never bothered.
So as I read that scripture,I have a different view.

You may have broken me, but I am trying
To put myself back together and expose
Your deceit and your lying.
I am letting my anger and rage show.

I am trying so hard to prove you wrong,
Even if it takes me to my grave.
I want so bad to finally belong,
To my body, I am enslaved.

But what can I prove, for you are dead.
But your evil voice comes to me in my dreams,
And I can’t get you out of my head.
The hate in my heart, makes me want to scream.

Kelly