The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

This daily zen from my gratitude journal app really spoke to me. All my life I have tried to be what others have wanted or expected me to be. The perfect daughter, the perfect Christian, the perfect student, the perfect weight, and the list goes on.

Lately in my life, I have been trying to be true to who I am. True to my many emotions, true to my beliefs, true to my dreams, true to my sexuality, and just true to all that makes up me. I am finally taking off the mask of everyone’s expectations, and trying to live my life authentically.

I haven’t gotten this down yet, but that is what I am striving for. I still tend to pretend to be someone I am not, especially with my family and even God. I know in reality, God already knows how I feel, and the struggles that I face, but I convince myself I can hide them from him because I fear that he doesn’t accept me for who I am, and expects me to be who he wants me to be.

I know in a way that is true, but I struggle to know exactly what he expects of me. I grew up with the belief that obedience is what he expects, so I have often lived in fear, but I am trying to find out for myself, not what I was brought up with, who God really is and my hope is to find out that all he expects of me, is to be authentic and real. That he just expects me to love him and trust him.

I wish that my family would love me for who I am, and not what they expect to see. Certain aspects of me are accepted, but not my feelings and struggles. I am expected to only feel positive feelings, and to not have any problems. My negative emotions and struggles they might know I have, but they don’t want to see it.

I just want the freedom to be real and true to every aspect of who I am, my negative feelings and struggles included. But this daily zen is true. Who I am destined to be is not what others expect me to be, who I am destined to be is who I decide to be for myself, and I am trying to make the choice to be my authentic self.