Today, I am writing my thoughts about another affirmation from the book “On the Path: Affirmations for Adults Recovering from Sexual Abuse by Nancy W. The affirmation states, “I have the right to feel safe.”

I haven’t always believed that. It talks about how as children we were hypervigilant and always looking out for the “next time.” As survivors, we never learned what it means to feel safe and protected.

A statement within this affirmation is, “Today I know that I had a right to feel safe and protected as a child. I allow my child-within her grief about not getting that protection, and I guide her gently along the path of receiving that wonderful sensation of safety.”

I can’t say that as an adult, I have always done everything I can to protect my inner child. I was in a very abusive relationship for seven years that I felt emotionally stuck in. It was a typical cycle of a domestic violence victim of leaving and then returning. I must have left and came back around ten times before I left for good. I did that because I didn’t believe I had the right to feel safe.

All my childhood, I was taught that children had no rights, and were not allowed to say, “No.” I had no choices, and I carried that belief with me into my adulthood, getting drawn to people that would not allow me to have choices. It is only at this time of my life that I am beginning to surround myself with people that will treat me with respect and kindness, but that respect and kindness needs to come within myself first and foremost.

I tend to feel like I am being selfish or prideful to treat myself in a healthy way, and especially to expect others to treat me with respect. I grew up believing that my opinions, thoughts, and feelings were not important. My dad told me that children were not even people until they reached the age of 18. So, I believed that I wasn’t even a person.

Those beliefs need to be challenged, and in order to truly love and care for myself, those beliefs need to change. My therapist tells me to write down every day the truth about myself. Not the truths I grew up believing, but she says I need to “flip the script” and tell myself over and over that my feelings and opinion matter that it is okay to feel the way I feel because feelings are neither good or bad, they just are.

She also in showing me how to live for myself, and not for other people. That I am responsible for my own feelings, and other people are responsible for their feelings. That I don’t have to take the responsibility of other people’s happiness on myself, and that I am free to be myself, and have my own desires and dreams.

I spent almost 5 years going to school until I realized that I wasn’t in college for myself, that I was in college to get the love and approval of my parents. I stressed out, making myself sick at times, to get perfect grades causing my acceptance into an honor society. Don’t get me wrong, that did feel good to be on the honor society, but what was the real reason behind it? To live out my parent’s dreams for me.

I have always wanted to be a writer. That was my dream, but that dream didn’t matter to my parents, especially my dad. It wasn’t until my dad died last year that I decided to drop out of college and pursue my dream.

Maintaining safety for myself, having respect for myself and others, being free to live for myself, are all things that build up the sense of self-worth within me. I am believing now that I do have the right to feel safe, that I can respect myself without becoming prideful, and that I have the right to live out my dreams, and have my own opinions, thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.

There are still days that I forget that, but true healing comes when I finally challenge those beliefs, and “flip the script” as my therapist says. So, that is my thoughts about this affirmation, “I have the right to feel safe.” I hope that I have given someone a new perspective to look at and think about who might be struggling to believe that you have the right to feel safe.