Introduction

For most of my life, I identified as a lesbian simply because I am attracted to other females, and my physical body is female. It was easier coming out as a lesbian than as transgender. My friends and family (most of them) were very accepting. My family wasn’t always accepting, though, and my dad, before he passed away almost two years ago, never accepted it. The central family I have left is my mother, who has come to be very accepting of it. However, that is my supposed lesbianism.

Self-Discovery

I have been doing a lot of soul-searching over the last year or so since my dad’s death and have been genuinely trying to understand who I am on the inside. I finally acknowledged that I have never felt like my identity matched the body I was born with. I played with boy toys as a child and dressed like a boy as much as my parents would allow. I hated it when I was forced to wear a dress for church or holidays, protesting every time. Many people just saw me as a tomboy.

Coming Out

However, I knew that wasn’t it. I simply didn’t feel like a girl. I have always had a boy’s haircut and a boy’s interest in technology and other things. Identifying myself as a lesbian did not fit, but it was the only explanation that felt safe to me and for my family and friends to know. As some of my subscribers and Facebook friends know, I have recently identified myself as Keldon Grace. Keldon has always been a name that I liked and identified with internally. Grace is because I am also a Christian and believe in God’s grace no matter who I am.

Since coming out as transgender, it has somewhat shaken up my faith. I know that God loves me unconditionally as a lesbian, but to take it a step further and admit that I am transgender has made me question a lot of things. As a Christian, I believe that God formed me in my mother’s womb and, therefore, purposefully made me a female. I struggled with the idea that God made a mistake when creating me. However, I must consider the biological and physical elements that create a person. It has been proven that transgender brains have aspects of the opposite sex. Their makeup is different. Even as a Christian, I cannot ignore or deny science and biology.

Faith and Acceptance

So, I have resolved that God has made me the person I am on the inside, but biologically and scientifically, something went wrong. These are the challenges that I have faced while coming to terms with my identity and who I really am, but I am still a firm believer in Jesus and his sacrifice on the cross so that we all, through faith, can be seen as righteous before God. I also hold to John 3:16, which says, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” I hold onto the “whoever” in that verse, accepting that it also includes me.

Looking Ahead

My friends have come to fully accept me for who I am and do not judge me in any way. I have taken safety precautions to ensure that my family doesn’t know. I have changed the web address for my two blogs and set my Facebook account so that only friends can see what I post because I typically post my blog posts on my Facebook account.

I am hoping that writing this fictional story of a transgender person, with a lot of truth about my struggles, will open doors for questions for my mom and me, and I could eventually share with her the truth. I fear that coming out as transgender will be met with rejection and hate, mainly because of our president’s stance on this issue. I am not one to talk about politics and won’t go into any more details other than I fear what that is going to mean for the LGBTQIA community. I fear that it will bring back the hate and judgment that the community faced decades ago. Our society has come a long way in accepting the LGBTQIA community, and I pray that won’t change.

Closing Thoughts

Since accepting myself for who I am, I have made many changes. I have decided to sell all my girly clothes that I rarely wear and some other things that I just have not felt connected to. It’s been a freeing process for me. It felt good changing my name to the name I identify as. Therapy has helped me a lot throughout this process. It is a big step I am taking to live authentically to who I am. It’s both terrifying and exciting.

What I would like to say to anyone who is struggling to come out as who they are as a person of the LGBTQIA community is, I will admit, it is scary at first, and like me, you may not be able to come out entirely to everyone in your life. Still, regardless, you can make changes in your life to reflect who your authentic self is. I have found it very free, and I think you will find it freeing, too, if you are someone struggling to come out.

So, from now on, my name is Keldon Grace. I am 46 years old and transgender. I am a writer and have had several of my poems published by literary magazines. I love animals and have an 11-year-old poodle terrier, two guinea pigs, two parakeets, and a hamster.

I have a long way to go in my healing journey, but coming out to the people I have has proven very positive in my life.