Screwed up again

An all too familiar enemy,
A promise that’s been broken.
Guilt and shame cripple me,
My broken heart is open.

I saw it coming, I should have know.
I let myself have what is forbidden.
The urge was too great,I destroyed my goal,
To never go back, that was my mission.

My secret is my shame,
But my secret is going to kill ne.
I must regain control,
Even if everyone disagrees.

I thought I had the answers,
everyone has been so proud.
I feel like I failed them all,
Their accusations seem so loud.

I couldn’t resist the temptation,
A demon I thought I left behind.
If I had to eat,I had to have it all,
That’s the craziness of my mind.

It’s all or nothing, no in between,
No balance at all exists
I have chosen to go with nothing,
Until I lost my will to resist.

I’m drowning in a crushing sea,
Unable to pull myself out.
My burden lies within my mistake,
So once again I will go without.

Can I have a fresh start?
Can I get control again?
To start again, I must forgive,
But this cycle never seems to end.

Kelly