To my subscribers, this is the second affirmation in the book, “One the Path: Affirmations for Adults Recovering From Childhood Sexual Abuse” I didn’t have daily thoughts about the first one, but I had a few and shared them. Now I am moving on to week two and the affirmation is, “I am Worthful.”

I struggle a lot with this one. Throughout my childhood, and even into my adulthood, I have gotten the message that I am not worthful. I have been treated like I don’t even exist. I could write a whole book on my experiences with that, but I am not going to go into all that. What I will talk about is what I grew up believing about myself. I believed I was ugly, no good, did not exist, wasn’t a real person, had to earn love and acceptance, had to be perfect in order get approval, and many many other beliefs that I am only beginning to challenge. So this affirmation is hard for me to accept, but I am working on it.

Some of you may relate to these negative beliefs I have had. If you do, I am very sorry. I know how terrible it feels to feel like you are worthless. How isolating it feels. I was only good for one thing growing up, being the scapegoat. The families problem. The crazy one in the family. I took those labels with me for my entire life, believing each one.

But I am starting to challenge those beliefs. It isn’t easy. It requires daily effort, but my therapist says it can be done, and I have to try to trust that. I have to catch myself each time those thoughts come up, which is often, and say, “No! I have worth. I am a human being. I have a heart with feelings. I have talents.” Those are not easy to tell myself. My beliefs have literally been beat into me. But healing takes hard work, and I am willing to do the work.

I will probably have more thoughts on this affirmation throughout this week, because this is actually something I am working on in therapy right now, but it’s almost midnight and I am tired, but did want to share with you my initial thoughts. I will keep writing about this.

Kelly