This another poem I am including in the memoir Lette that I am writing about being gay from a conservative Chrisian background and finding love and acceptance.

Shadows of Self-Hatred

I look in the dreaded mirror,

worthlessness stares back.

I desire to see myself clearer,

But all I see is a stranger’s attack.

Filled with tears and many scars,

Words of being less than, not enough.

An inner jail, I am put behind bars.

Like a jailer, I try to be mean and tough.

I am my own worst enemy,

Shouting a chorus of hate and shame.

It’s a song with a hateful melody.

A fire within, I inflame.

A life that is hidden and devoid,

of any acceptance and love.

A heart that’s been destroyed.

A grace from God I am unworthy of.

Just for being gay, I hate.

It’s not a life I have chosen.

If I could only be normal and straight,

I possibly could have a different emotion.

But I am on a journey of self-acknowledgment.

A journey to love who I am.

The judgments of others, I seek abolishment.

My identity, I no longer want to damn.

Riven