Storm Inside

My chest tightens as fear arises, and I panic.

A grip that suffocates the very life out of me.

The knots in my stomach become volcanic.

But amidst the storm, a façade you will see.

My breath is trapped in my throat, a silent scream.

Beliefs I am worthless haunts me from my father’s spirit.

Inner strength has become a dried-up stream.

Though you wouldn’t admit it, your words were deliberate.

Fear’s darkness covers me like a cloak.

As my heart races, a frantic beat.

My spirit, your words, has broken.

It is making me wonder if I will ever be complete.

The world spins, a dizzying retreat.

I am lost in a heart of fear.

I need to break this cycle of defeat,

And let myself show my invisible tears.

Time becomes frozen amidst my panic,

As I struggle to breathe.

You have labeled me problematic,

But you failed to know me underneath.

What is to grieve about a father’s death that never was,

A dad who loved me just as I am.

Who could never accept me just because

I happen to be a soul that he perceived damned.

I see my mother’s grief over your loss,

And I know she doesn’t understand my lack of sorrow.

I know how that must come across,

But my heart has become very hollow.

Healing for me is speaking my truth,

No matter what other people think.

If you think you know me, don’t assume,

If you know my heart, you might rethink.

That I am a human being just like you.

With feelings, opinions, and dreams.

I am a person that you never knew.

The messages you taught; I no longer believe.