I have been posting my thoughts weekly on the affirmations within the book, On the Path: Affirmations for Adults Recovery from childhood sexual abuse. This weeks affirmation is, “I love my body.” The reason I couldn’t name this post “I love my body” is because, to be completely honest, I don’t love my body.

However, I am a Christian, and know that the Bible calls our body a temple of the Holy Spirit, and we should honor it. This is really hard for me to do. I don’t like the way my body looks, I don’t like the my body feels sometimes, and I struggle with a lot of shame within my body. I know that it is a direct result of the trauma I have faced, and the way my body has been treated by others. I am trying to change that, though, but I haven’t gotten there yet. The very statement, “I love my body,” feels prideful to me. I guess that is because of the Christian beliefs I grew up with.

To even consider loving my body feels like I am committing a sin, but at the same time, the Bible says we should honor our body, so I guess it is not a sin. Unless honoring my body and loving it are two different things. I know this post is not a positive post, but I want to express my true thoughts and feelings about this affirmation. This week I am going to ponder this concept, pray about it, and process my feelings about it.

My body was used in traumatic ways, which caused me to resent my body. Most people in my life in person don’t know the way my body was abused. Only my therapist and one friend online know about it. I am a very closed-off person as far as telling my truth. I am a closed-off person in general about admitting my true feelings. That’s why I have this blog. To get some healing in that area of life, and though I am resistant to this concept of “loving my body,” I hope to get some healing in that area, too.

Like I said, I will have to really ponder this concept over the next week. Each affirmation is weekly, so I try to think about it and process my thoughts about it throughout the week.