Daily writing prompt

If you had to give up one word that you use regularly, what would it be?

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This writing prompt is easy to answer, because I am really working hard on not having the F word in my vocabulary. I have a real habit of using that word when I get frustrated or angry, and I hate that I do. Where did I develop the habit from? I ask myself. I was never like this when I was younger, but I think in my working on tough things in my therapy, anger sometimes builds up inside, and it comes out in frustration or irritation. My therapist is trying to get me to dig deep down at the root of my anger, so that I can express it and get it out of me. She thinks that if I get to the root and source of my anger, I will have less explosions verbally.

It’s strange because nobody in my everyday life even knows I have a bad mouth, or that I have explosions. I am so good at covering up my pain with a face of happiness and stability to everyone else. However, when I am alone in my own space, and get frustrated or irritated with something (usually computer issues or having to put something together, lol) the words that come out of my mouth are not pretty and it comes out so quickly that I don’t seem to have a second to think about what I am about to say. I don’t feel good about myself when I use profanity. It makes me feel cold and dark inside.

When I do manage to catch myself before the word comes out, and I use another word in its place, I don’t feel like such a negative and cold person inside, even though I am feeling angry. It’s hard to explain what I feel compared to when I use profanity, but it’s just a lighter feeling.

So, I have been desperately trying not to use that word, with not much success, unfortunately. I keep trying, and my hope is that in time, I will use that word less and less. It’s probably like what my therapist says that it will happen when I get to the root of my anger and express it, getting it out of me. I think that is when I will finally have a peaceful spirit.

Amber