This quote, “You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens,” spoken by Mandy Hale resonates with me because I am trying to control my healing journey to faith vs. self-acceptance and discovery.

I struggle immensely with control and anxiety, and when I don’t have control, depression is the result. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life.

I am on a journey to reconcile my faith with my identity because of who I have been taught to believe God is. I was taught that God loves me, but doesn’t love my sin and that I needed to change.

However, is a nine year old capable of making the choice to be gay, especially when they haven’t even been exposed to homosexuality? That’s about the age I discovered something was different about me.

I have been writing a memoir about my journey of self-acceptance and I don’t claim to know the answer yet.

My desperation for the answer is an anxious race against time because I know that one can’t know when their earthly life is going to end.

So, I feel I must have the answer right now. That I must have everything figured out. I forget to breathe and trust, letting what happens, happen.

I am trying to trust the scripture that says, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord.”

I am not going to stop seeking, but I am also trying to breathe and let go of control. There is a difference between control and seeking something with your heart.

Hebrews 11:1 says, ” Now faith is confidence in what is hoped for and assurance of what is not seen.” This is what I am trying to have is faith and confidence in what I am hoping for in finding peace with God, and within myself.

I must learn to let go and trust the process; to place my faith and trust in God and not my own understanding. Patience has never been a strong point of mine. I need to work on developing the patience to trust that I will eventually get there.

I don’t know what the answer is right now. All I know is God wants me to be secure in his love for me, and he will do the rest.

Here’s a beautiful quote from my Gratitude app to brighten your day 😇 https://gratefulness.page.link/yqbs