Recognizing the Imposter Within

The quote by Roy T. Bennet, “Believe in your infinite potential. Your only limitations are those you set upon yourself,” on so many levels. It sparked a thought within me—the imposter syndrome. The Imposter Syndrome is a condition where individuals doubt their accomplishments, feel like frauds, and fear being exposed as inadequate, despite evidence of their competence. Here is why this quote resonates with me:

Personal Experience:

When I was in college, I made perfect grades and was a member of the Phi Theta Kappa honor society. You would think that I believed that I was smart because of that, yet quite the opposite. I made every excuse there was to say why I got perfect grades. From, “I got easy teachers,” to, “I got lucky,” and several different excuses. Never once could I say, “I am smart.” No matter how many times I made a professor proud, or helped another student, I could never acknowledge that I was intelligent. I had a significant amount of low self-esteem and self-worth. I believed I was stupid. Here’s why:

My Background:

My father never had hope for me, neither did my brother. I don’t know what my mother thought because her beliefs came from my father. She allowed him to dictate what she said. I was labeled the “disabled” child and the “crazy” child. I did have mental health issues, and that made a permanent imprint on my family’s opinion of me. However, that didn’t make me stupid. It didn’t make me crazy. I was constantly told, “Don’t worry about it, you won’t understand,” when discussing anything important. I learned to believe that. I felt that somehow, I was “less than” as a person.

Connection to the Quote:

Believing in my “infinite potential” contradicts my feelings of being an imposter because I believe that I am not good enough, smart enough, or strong enough. I feel like I don’t have any potential. Maybe this was the reason I quit school, but maybe not. I quit school to follow my real dream of being a writer, and didn’t think I needed a degree to do that. However, the imposter syndrome might have added another component to my decision. Even in my writing, I don’t submit pieces to places that pay, and I plan on self-publishing my memoir in fear of the many rejections I will get from publishers, all because I don’t feel good enough or smart enough to impress someone. If I would intentionally challenge that belief, and choose to believe in my potential, I might end up being surprised.

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome:

Knowing what I must do to overcome this and heal is a challenge. I need to change what I tell myself day-in, day-out. I have an affirmation app that sends multiple affirmation notifications several times a day to try to rewire my internal hard drive. I have an amazing therapist who holds onto my hope when I can’t. I remind myself of what God says about me. I do all these things to try to overcome the imposter syndrome in hopes that someday I will think differently. I see progress in that area. I am not quite there yet, but I am a lot further than I was a couple years ago.

Mindset Shifts:

The most important thing that I need to change is my sense of self-worth, despite any achievements. Yes, I need to acknowledge the achievements I have made, but those achievements don’t make up who I am on the inside. I need to first believe I have worth before pursuing anything, because whether I fail or succeed all depends on what I believe about myself. I am learning a lot about self-care. That ties into having compassion for myself. I am learning to be gentle with myself when I make mistakes, instead of feeling like I am a failure. Sometimes in life, it is one step forward, and two steps backwards. However, if I lose hope, I start over from the beginning. My focus needs to be on progress, not perfection. I need to break free from these self-imposed limitations. I am walking the path to freedom from the lies I have grown to believe.