Life with a dissociative identity disorder (DID) has been a disorder that I have felt I must keep secret because of all the stigma surrounding it. For one, in movies, it is often portrayed as having harmful and violent separate personalities, but that is an inaccurate portrayal of someone with DID. While there may be angry personalities, they rarely act in violence.

 Some movies originated from books that portray the disorder correctly, such as All Around the Town, based on the book by Mary Higgins Clark, or Sybil, written by Flora Rheta Schreiber. An older one is The Three Faces of Eve by Corbett H. Thigpen. They were all later adapted into movies. Many other books are true stories and portray the disorder realistically.

However, movies like “split” and “Identity” give the impression that DID should be feared. Living with this disorder, when portrayed as scary, creates fear of even disclosing what I live with. This is extremely harmful to those who have DID. I know for myself that is the reason I don’t talk about my DID to anyone but my therapist and close friends I know I can trust.

 I don’t see it as a disorder but as a blessing because it protected me from very painful experiences. The ability to split into other parts allowed me to live life generally without the effects of the trauma. I am grateful to all my separate personalities because they helped me survive. DID individuals are survivors; we must recognize that and respect what they have gone through.

I am angered when others describe DID as extreme, dramatic, or attention-seeking. If I were to choose whether to have DID, a result of trauma, I would never choose to be DID because that would mean I experienced trauma and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Many professionals say that it is an attention-seeking method or say actual DID is rare, which is not valid. I believe many people with DID are out there; they hide it because they feel ashamed. That shame is a result of the stigma.

When I first disclosed it to my ex-girlfriend, she thought I was crazy. So, I am cautious about who I disclose it to. I wish DID were talked about more so that society could be rid of the stereotypes. I hate having to keep my struggles a secret.

 Many people put the focus of DID on the fragmentation of a person, not acknowledging that the disorder is a coping mechanism for dealing with traumatic experiences. Society doesn’t recognize the strength that DID people possess. They often are seen as weak and victims rather than survivors.

It is unlike other mental health conditions that are biologically caused. It is simply a coping mechanism. It doesn’t mean people like me are helpless and can’t function. Many people with DID live successful lives. Creativity and resilience are qualities I treasure about myself. Many people with DID possess those qualities.

 I am not saying there are no difficulties with having DID, especially at the beginning of treatment. There is amnesia to deal with, the inability to keep track of time, and the recollection of painful experiences that have been blocked out.

The process of healing is exhausting and painful for me much of the time. I am learning the importance of self-care and positive thinking, that I didn’t have as a child. Concepts of love and trust have been distorted in my life, and I am trying to relearn how to take care of myself and be kind and gentle when I have setbacks.

It’s not an easy process, and the healing sometimes can take years to process all the trauma someone went through thoroughly. People with DID are often threatened with secrecy, so voicing their truth is a huge step towards healing. The process of healing requires strength and honesty.

In my journey, honesty has been a struggle. I have kept everyone at arm’s length, putting on many masks to hide the truth. Realizing the truth will free you has been a long and treacherous path. I believe I am on that path in telling my truth, not letting the messages I got as a child have power over me anymore.