I am so excited to share that my third revision of my flash fiction story Tuolumne River, is going to be published in the next issue of 100subtexts Magazine. If you have not had a chance to read it, I will post it here again. I am very thrilled. The writing course I am enrolled in right now is paying off!

Tuolumne River

The Tuolumne River is a magical place, with quiet and still places along its rushing flow, where the laughter of children and cheerful families provide refuge and peace. The once-a-year family trip at the peak of Yosemite National Park, Tuolumne Meadows, was freedom from the chaos that Morgan left behind at home. The warmness of August was the perfect time to be camping in the Meadows. There was not a care in the world in this heavenly place. Morgan’s favorite place to go was further down the river, sitting on a massive cool rock, smooth enough to provide security for her body. The lack of edge and roughness felt like her body was rooted like a tree. She listened to the distant happiness in the center of the river where everyone seemed to migrate. The sweet smell of pine filled her nostrils like elegant perfume. Her spirit soared like an eagle, free from the clutches of harsh and rigid rules back home. Her family transformed into a family she only met once a year on these camping trips. Still, she tried as hard as she could to leave the chaos and dysfunction of the familiar family she was born into.

 Although years prior, she was able to enjoy freedom from the turbulent flight of her life, at the age of eleven, her heart was heavy and troubled despite the beauty she was immersed in. Still trying to hold onto the innocence of childhood, she could not deny the changes she was feeling deep within. She pondered her life more intently and what it meant to her as she was now a pre-teenager. She was aware that she was an outcast, even from her family. Her need for perfection was failing miserably with every passing day. She harbored a discovery about her identity that had to be kept secret from everyone. If the truth were revealed, she would be met with shame and rejection. She was pleading with the universe for answers.

Rumor had it that the people who needed it the most heard God’s voice through the river. “Well, God, if ever there was a time I needed to hear your voice, now is it.” The air was changing and provided a cool breeze that soothed her heart. She wanted to stay on that rock forever. The sky began to brighten, forcing her to squint.

“There is nothing wrong with you, Morgan. I created you. You are loved beyond measure just for who you are,” Morgan heard an internal voice that was not like her voice at all.

“But I…” she started to say.

“You are attracted to other girls,” the voice said gently. It was not like thoughts. This was a distinct voice. She now understood how God spoke through the river. It was personal. God spoke things a person desperately needed to hear. Tears welled up in her eyes, and the rock suddenly became unstable, but a presence held her secure despite the trembling of her bones. God’s voice was soft and loving, unlike the God that she believed in. God was our heavenly father, and the only example of a father was a distant, rejecting, and unable to be pleased. The breeze became a warm sensation, wrapping her body like a blanket, and she became still.

“I don’t just like other girls as friends…” she choked on her words.

“I know…you don’t have to explain. As I said, I know you who you are, and I still love you.” God’s voice soothed the turbulent storm in her heart, “No matter what you may believe about me, I am speaking the truth. Your father is human, meaning he is flawed. I am not flawed. I am the kind of father you have never known. Don’t depend on rules and regulations religion teaches. Seek my presence in those quiet moments like this, and I will draw close to you,” his voice started to trail off, “I will never leave you, Morgan.”

“Wait! Don’t go!” Morgan didn’t hear a response, but she still listened to what she needed to hear. Her spirit felt like it was soaring on eagle wings. The muscles in her body relaxed, and she sighed in relief. Yes, she was discovering that she was a lesbian, but she no longer feared the wrath of God. She didn’t feel the need to tell her family, knowing that she would be met with rejection and shame. However, she recalled God’s voice.

“Your father is human, meaning he is flawed. I am not flawed.” Knowing her father was not like the real God she had just experienced, she had no reason to explain anything to her father or her family.  She hopped off the rock, landing on the fallen pine needles that crunched as she landed.

“Morgan, the sun is starting to set,” her mother said, walking towards her, “It’s time to come back to camp.” Morgan’s body felt lighter, and she stepped with confidence she had not felt in a long time. She ran towards her mother, smiling.

“Okay, I am ready,” Morgan hugged her mother. Her mother was taken aback.

“What was that about, Morgan?”

“I just love you, and I am happy.” Morgan saw curiosity in her mother’s eyes.

“Let’s go back to camp, ” her mother chuckled.

“Okay.” The rest of the camping trip was filled with joy, laughter, and friendly conversations beside the campfire as they roasted marshmallows and long hikes on the trails. Morgan knew this was only temporary, but as they packed up camp, she was preparing her heart to hold onto the peace she felt on that rock beside the river. She knew her family would return to chaos and dysfunction, but for the first time, she knew who God really was, and no matter what she heard at church or the example of her family, she held that truth deep within and would feel at peace.