I am not writing a heartfelt poem, or a creative story, or even a personal essay. Although, some might consider this a personal essay. I don’t feel like this all the time, but tonight is especially hard. I can honestly say that depression sucks. It’s like a black hole in space that sucks you in and you feel utterly lost. At least that is what I am feeling right now. Things have been going well today. I got my chapbook published several places, and I took care of my daily responsibilities, so why do I feel so dead inside. Why does darkness surround me and suffocates the life out of me? I feel completely clueless as to what has caused this dive into a deep abyss. I know being bipolar has moments of ups and downs, and that is the only reason I can think of when it comes to my crash and burn. Maybe it is because nobody has bought my devotional for the LGBTQIA community that I have had published for several months. I can’t help to think that is evidence that I am a poor writer.

By the way, this is Morgan, an insider that lives within Kelly. I am the one who wrote the devotional. Maybe Kelly will have better luck with her chapbook. But that isn’t the reason for my mental and emotional plunge downward. I guess it is the life of someone with bipolar disorder. Always bouncing back and forth between light and darkness, day and night. I fight it by taking my PRN medication, or making a cup of relaxing tea, or taking a bubble bath, and sometimes that helps, but tonight nothing is helping.

I just wanted to write and get my thoughts and feelings down. It helps me to write, yet I don’t feel up to writing a poem tonight. This was the best I can do. Can anyone relate?

Morgan