Striving for perfection

The body in the mirror,

Is one that I hate.

The need for perfection is my trigger,

Worthlessness will always be my fate.

Starving my body is literally hell,

But it’s the only way I know how,

To show the pain that I can’t tell,

Depriving my body is all I will allow.

But sometimes my feelings become too much,

And I crave the very thing I hate.

Seeking comfort in the food I grudge,

And then I become panicked about my weight.

It’s a vicious cycle that never ends.

I purge the food in intense guilt.

My brokenness inside never mends,

This heart of mine cannot be rebuilt.

Who can help me see things differently?

My thoughts are distorted, that I know.

I need answers to my uncertainty.

I have become my greatest foe.

This started in my teen years,

But became much worse with my dad’s death.

To truly know my insecurities and my fears.

I have to look at my thoughts in depth.

I have to face my pain; I have to shed tears.

But will I do it, that I don’t know.

I have never believed that God answers prayers,

But I pray that he will finally be my hero.

I need someone patient and trustworthy,

I have never seen God be those things.

Anger and judgment have been his only qualities.

I do not know; those are just my feelings.

My therapist says feelings are never good or bad.

That feelings just are.

When I think about them, it makes me mad.

If I ever heal from this, it will leave a scar.

Sky