I was raised in a conservative Christian home where being gay meant damnation, and at thirteen, when I realized I was a lesbian, I believed I was headed for hell.

The shame and helplessness drove me to nine suicide attempts over the years as I tried everything to change who I was, including dating boys and forcing feelings that never came.

Today, I’m rebuilding my faith on my own terms. I haven’t rejected Jesus or the core of what I believe, but I’ve done deep Bible study, examined the cultural context of when scripture was written, and arrived at a faith that lets me be fully myself.

My relationship with God is stronger now than it’s ever been, though it’s still a work in progress. I’ve stepped away from church for a season to build a private relationship with Christ without the pressure of doctrine, and when I return, it’ll be on a foundation I’ve built myself.